The origins of DOTA

During the earlier days of video gaming, individuals were required to possess a sense of humour, a sense of sportsmanship as well as friends to play. A few decades down the road has seen a significant change in the video game genre that has since created a legion of video gamers who are as bland and humourless as a potato, hot-tempered as well as social hermits.

Since the invention of the internet, aspiring developers and programmers had the vision to create an intranet of gamers whereby every gamer with access to the internet have the ability to socialise and play together. The pioneers of video games had the perception that the soon-to-be-players were NICE, FRIENDLY and CIVILIZED ( adjectives that make a heartless gamer, like yours truly, chuckle in delight ). 


Sadly enough, there were terribly wrong. Early versions of internet based video games such as the massively popular Warcraft series and Starcraft series, by Blizzard productions, which were the catylysts for the creation of the Starcraft 1 mod " Aeon of Strife" which inevitably spawned a Warcraft version aptly named

DOTA ( DEFENSE OF THE ANCIENTS)

An Arena based Real-Time Strategy ( ARTS ) , not to be confused with the ( MOBA ) label given by League of Legend pleabians, DOTA took the gaming world by storm.

Players were each granted full control of a selected hero from a pool of Warcraft-lore based heroes, each possessing 3 unique skills along with an ultimate ability. The player would then use the particular hero to achieve affluence through the mass murder of enemy mercenaries and hero bounties/

The game revolves around solid teamwork, chemistry amongst players as well as humbleness during victory and defeat. A statement which would have any player laugh hysterically in your face.



What the game used to be

- A challenging game which requires a prowess in micromanagement and knowledge of skill placement as
well as a high income rate.

-Introduces the gamers to other similar enthusiasts from different countries of the same region.

-Introduces a competitive scene which legitimizes video gaming as a possible form of income.

-Cultivates sportsmanship



What the game currently is

-A haven for mentally challenged / immature / daft players to join and ruin the fun for others.

-Promotes racism and xenophobia ( Not to be confused with racial stereotypes )

-Trains an individual on how to boast and tell white lies

-A medium for channeling rage ( People actually fight each other in real life over a virtual game )

Defense of The Ancients 2 ( DOTA 2 )

The successor to the previous version, Dota 2 was created by the omnipotent Lord Gabriel Newell ( also known as Gaben ), who also happens to be the founder of the publishing and developing behemoths, Valve.

                                                               Lord Gaben the Almighty


Dota 2 carries the same concept as the previous installment of the same name,  (harvest gold, kill heroes, win, get a life, die a virgin ).

Significant boosts to the graphics department through the update Source engine, as well as a " Free-To-Play " label, has easily drawn in gaming traffic from around the world. Dota 2 includes the functionality of a cosmetics based shop which adds to the aesthetics of the game as well as Holiday based events ( Halloween, Christmas, Chinese New Year )




What the game used to be ( During the beta phases )

-A peaceful and competitive environment

-A matchmaking service that functions accordingly

-Civilized mannerisms in individuals



What the game currently is ( Retail version )

- Swarms of players with the tendency to leave and/ or ruin the game by intentionally dying

- Over affluent / Gullible players who think in-game purchases translates into actual gaming prowess

- Terrible matchmaking algorithm

- A particular country in every region that has the highest amount of game spoilers ( *ahem* *Russians, Filipinos* *ahem* )

- Sucks a persons life, soul and time




How to effectively become a Dotard

With the knowledge of the origins of the development of DOTA, one should aspire to become a pioneering Dotard ( composition of Dota and Retard ). To start off, a Dotard has to know of the terminologies used in the game.


Terminologies used in the game

Noob - Shortened version of newbie. Applicable in any situation, regardless if you are the one who is the burden or the one subjecting your teammates to death.

Carry- A role particularly favoured by every new player. Needs a high amount of income to have cause a magnitudinal impact during the final phases of the game. Will also cause you to lose the game 99% of the time if handled by anyone other than yourself because everyone else is incompetent.

Support- A role whereby the player has to assist the Carry and everyone else throughout the game hence, "supporting" the game to victory. Widely disregarded by the general population of Dotards as a dull role. Press Alt+f4 if supports are absent in a game.

Mid- A role where players with half a brain ( sometimes less ) take to display their supposedly superior skills. High-yielding lane which determines the later phases of the game most of the time.

Pudge- A fat and hideous butcher who has a hooking ability. Associated with the Mid lane, pretentious players often try to imitate their overrated idol ( Dendi , google it ), end up failing and ruins the game.

Russian / Pinoys - The bane of the DOTA experience. Rude, terrible at the game and do not speak a single word of English. Does not represent the respective nations as a whole, but the gamers of the respective nationality. Quit the game if you are teamed up with them.

Courier- An in game NPC ( Non player character ). Used to ferry in and out purchased items to players from the base. Supports are in charge of buying and upgrading it despite having 0 gold while you have 9000.

Wards- In-game tool that provides vision in a fixed area for a limited time. Again, its non of your concern as the poor supports are in charge of buying them.

Feed - Dying a huge number of times due to lack of skill or on purpose. Only happens to 
everyone except you. 

Mid Or Feed - 3 almighty words which when combined, automatically grants you full possession of the middle lane.

Mid And Feed- The motto of every Russian and Pinoy gamer. 

Volvo- The russian pronunciation of Valve. Not to be confused with the Swedish car brand. In case of failure, blame the Russians / Pinoys. If you are Russian / Pinoy, blame Volvo.

With the basic terminologies in mind, an aspiring Dotard must possess the following traits:

1.)  Have the mindset of an elitist regardless if you bear mediocre skills.

2.) Try your hardest to be kind to others. 

3.) If players mistreat you for your kindness, reply by displaying your strong use of colourful vocabulary.

4.) Must be proficient in profanities in languages with the highest amount of users for trashtalking purposes
    
     -Putang ina / Ampota / Bobo        ( Tagalog) 
     -Ngentot / Goblok                              ( Indonesian )
     -Cyka/ Blyat                                          ( Russian )
   
5.) Always pick a Carry.

6.) You are not the terrible player. Everyone else is



Being a Dotard shouldn't be too hard by following the aforementioned steps. Rinse and repeat for several thousands hours of your life before you can fully grasp the Dotard ranking.

Link for more information :  Heroes